How To Choose A Rave Name (Flow Chart)

June 18, 2015
Photo by: Jess StewartMaize
Photo by: Jess StewartMaize

With Sasquatch in the books and What the Festival happening this weekend, we can officially say the festival season has arrived. That being said, are you fully prepared for the potential level of badassery this entails? Did you buy a tent? Get a cooler? Pick out your best hat?

Personally, I’m most stoked about the hammock I just purchased so I can try and actually catch some sleep between dance marathons. I’m not here to talk about sleep, though. There’s something far more important and requires immediate attention. Do you have the appropriate festival name? If you answered “no”, you’re in luck.

I know it may feel weird to alter your birth given name, but these events tend to bring in the most outlandish folks with a tendency to go over the top about everything. So, you can see why having the spiciest name out there (Frito Caliente) is always going to work in your favor. You don’t want to come across people with names like Sargent Sandcastle and Joni Zamboni and tell them your name is Chad. You need something lavish. You need the name suited for the fire breathing, parachute pant wearing, fabulous freak that you are.

Tips: When choosing, think about the relevance and ring. How will others perceive it? The more colorful, the better – strawberry works a lot better than potato. Rhyming and flow are big factors. Pop culture references resonate well, but don’t make it too easy on yourself. The number of words and syllables are completely up to you because there are absolutely

no fucking rules here.

The main thing is to find the hidden line between choosing your name and letting the name choose you. If you fall into the former but you can’t think of any good names, we’ve got you covered.

Below is a flow chart to help with your decisions. I recommend you choose two starting points and use the results as your new sacred name. But you can swap ’em in and out and do whatever the hell you really want because THERE ARE NO RULES (except for the ones about drugs, don’t do them man.)

Ready!? Set. START! (click on image for full view)

Flow chart design by: Craig Williams; Flow chart copy by Colin Hudson, Liz Onstad, and Craig Williams


The real point of the story here is if you can make it through this flow chart you will be just fine at your festival.


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